Holiday nearing end .....

So we all had a fantastic few days in Cornwall, I relaxed, stopped worrying and by the second day began to feel more like the real me, then the day we are going I was shaking and crying again to say goodbye to my mum, my home town and at the thought of going back to that place to work!  Really do not think there is any hope for me sometimes!
Hey ho, suck it up I guess, and as my mum said, I am working towards a new qualification and will keep applying for the job I want and it will happen, just hope it is sooner rather than later.

We went out on errands today, into town and then off to the supermarket, but just getting in the car to go to town made me feel anxious, and when up there for the first half hour or so I hated it, hated the people, the mall, the town itself when normally I don't mind the whole shebang at all. I was alright in the end but at the very last bit we popped into burger king for a drink and a 99p burger for me and have never felt so fat and like I was in a goldfish bowl, on trial in a long time.  And we were surrounded by walking adverts for not eating or drinking the crap they serve up too, felt really sick and can safely say I am never eating fast food again certainly not of the burger chain variety anyway.

Once back home I was in so much pain (though chuffed to have made it all around town and the supermarket without having to stop and sit down for a change - not including car journeys to and from) and so tired that I had to have a lie down, but managed to sort out the bits we had bought first and feed the littlest son his dinner, so all back to normal.

Now I am just anxious about tomorrow, we have invited friends to join us out for breakfast and I am celebrating with a few friends in the evening for dinner too for a birthday and I am getting increasingly insecure about eating in public, like I have no right to eat such food or so much, I know no-one is really thinking this, other than maybe a passing thought of me having had one too many sausages already before going on with their day, but I can't help it.  The thing is instead of putting me off eating I seem to go the other way as if I don't care about my size or what people think, when that is so not the case.

Hey ho once more suck it up I guess, will start again on sunday, I didn't put any weight on this holiday so thats good, so still on track even after tomorrows not so good food choices.

Once more thanks for listening cyber pals.

Sara